I sat down to write and nothing came. I started over and over and over. It was garbage.
I said I was going to be real here so here I am. Scars and all.
I’m going to share my day and how I am feeling. I was trying to make a post happen and that just doesn’t work. You have to feel a post right down to who you are. I have to anyway.
This morning I woke up but didn’t want to yet. Normal. I got downstairs and changed 4 bums. Then Ron and I fed babies. It is quiet in the morning here because our 6 older ones stay up late. I would like to say that that is just how our family rolls but it is most likely because by the end of the day I just don’t want to use one more ounce of energy. It works for our family though.
The 5 littles are up by about 7 or 8am. I like the quiet. It is busy but I can think…kind of. My mind takes a while to wake up.
Oh that first sip of coffee. It doesn’t matter that I am holding and feeding a baby with another tucked under my arm so I have to turn into a pretzel to get that hot cup of magic to my mouth. I love my coffee. It is mine. I don’t have to share.
Our 9 year old Hadley and 12 year old Callum come down around 10am. The laze around until I get them to eat.
This morning Ron and I went to look at kitchens!!! This was at 11am because our 18 year old had to work and we drive her.
I remember when Ron and I just started out we could only dream of shopping for a kitchen! I now like that we struggled in the beginning and maybe a bit past the beginning because it has taught me to be grateful and I love to share this special time with him.
We split up so he could go to work and I went home. I then got our 3 year old Keaton down for a nap, fed babies and marked our 15 year old son Cohen’s math. Fun times. I have an answer sheet so it isn’t that hard. Just time consuming.
I then head out with our 8 month old Elle, 3 year old Keaton and our 16 year old Ricky. (girl) She wanted to get a bathing suit. So we picked up Amelie (18 year old) at work and they went in with Keaton and picked one out.
I came home and made sure everyone ate. Tidied. And this is where I start to get cranky. I feel like all day I have been running and the house is a mess and crazy loud. Kids are running around playing and yelling, I am tidying and the babies are hanging out with my older girls. Chaos.
It is this time of day that I feel like I am just not good enough. I don’t need anyone to tell me that I am because I will wake up in the morning and feel good enough. I’m just so tired and there is still so much to do. I don’t usually share or vent to people who won’t understand because you get answers like “Well, you signed up for this! You wanted a big family! You chose this!
Yes, I did and I love my glorious life. I really do! But life gets hard and tiring and confusing and busy and loud and and ..
I just wanted to say here I am. Here is a mom who is crazily in love with her family but just feels done. I want to dust off my hands and crawl into my bed with a good book and a glass of red wine.
I must go because my 13 and 16 year old’s want to go to the gym and I will be getting littles to bed.
That’s my real for tonight.